Amanda Palmer Rocks My Lame Ass

Posted in Cabaret, Concerts, Goth with tags , , , , on November 13, 2008 by (evil)amy

You always know that you’ve missed a good party when your friend calls you the next day and starts the conversation with, “dude, you TOTALLY missed it…” Last night, Jen and I went to see Amanda Palmer at Mercy Lounge and, well, you totally missed it.

The opening bands were good, especially the quasi-Vaudevillian Vermillion Lies, but Amanda Palmer’s set blew everybody else out of the water. Rising from her conceptual grave (all of the merch had a Twin Peaksian “Who Killed Amanda Palmer?” theme) draped in ivory lace and flanked by interpretive dancers, Palmer took the stage and proceeded to rock out on her keyboard. Yeah, I know. It’s exceedingly difficult to look cool while playing piano, and even harder to rock out while playing piano. Even Tori’s been known to resort to a sequined jumpsuit. You’ll have to trust me on this one, though. It rocked. A few highlights:

  • “Guitar Hero,” in which dancers performed something like the underwear scene from Risky Business if it had been directed by Mark Pellington (who did videos for Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy” and Catherine Wheel’s “Waydown”).
  • “Coin-Operated Boy,” which had dancers running through the audience accosting people
  • The encore, a cover of Radiohead’s “Creep,” performed with Vermillion Lies…on top of the bar.

    • So, yeah. Next time Palmer plays, you should totally bring yo ass. You won’t be sorry. Promise.

    Personal Sidebar: Jen totally almost got in a fight with one of the dudes from a metal band that had been playing downstairs. I believe it all started when she told him that his behavior was “douchey and disrespectful.” That’s mah girl.

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    The Essential: Jill Tracy

    Posted in Goth, The Essential with tags , , , on November 11, 2008 by (evil)amy

    Just when I start to think that emusic has begun to outlive its usefulness for me, I stumble upon an entire discography of awesomeness and decide that emusic ain’t so shark-jumping after all. Case in point: Jill Tracy. She’s like a dark Little Earthquakes-era Tori amos, a less effed-up Fiona Apple and a less-prone-to-screaming Amanda Palmer all rolled into one. That is to say, she can play the living hell out of a piano, write a darn good song, AND do both while steering subject matter toward poisoning people, armageddon, and disembowelment. What is not to love? While every album is a best-of, I will attempt to limit myself to 3 songs per album. (But, for real….listen to the rest of the albums.)

    Album: Quintessentially Unreal
    - “Between The Black”: Jaunty, torchlight piano provides a background for this collage of antonyms.
    - “Hour After Hour”: Tight piano-playing, mixed with a tasty chorus that namechecks Pavlov.
    - “You Kill Me”: More jaunty fun, written from the p.o.v. of the lover you love to hate.

    Album: Diabolical Streak
    - “The Fine Art of Poisoning”: The title is pretty self explanatory, and the piano and strings plod lighty like a snuggly cat that’s entered a nursery to smother a baby.
    - “Pulling Your Insides Out”: Unexpected quasi-Beatnik jazz that builds to the chorus “it’s worth the pain, when they’re pulling your insides out.”
    - “Evil Night Together”: Sly swing full of possible murderous alternatives to dinner & a movie.

    Album: The Bittersweet Constrain
    - “Torture”: Cry for mercy, paralleling unrealized desires and…well, torture. Bonus points for the bit about Chinese water torture.
    - “Sell My Soul”: Deal with the Devil, or love song?
    - “In Between Shades”: Vocals are particularly Tori-esque (in a good way) in this ditty punctuated by a chorus of “let’s pretend we’ve got this world on a string, like we promised we would.”

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    New Tasties: The Presets

    Posted in New Tasties with tags , , , on October 8, 2008 by (evil)amy

    Musically, Australia tends to get a bit of a bad rap. I’m not sure why this is, as Men At Work, INXS, and (reluctantly) Olivia Newton-John aren’t any worse than anything else in pop music. Not to mention that the United States has tormented the world with Pussycat Dolls, Limp Bizkit, and the entire emo genre. Maybe we’re all a little bitter about that whole “Silverchair” thing, excluding their recent “comeback” with the mildly homoerotic video for “Walking In A straight Line” (oh, ironic title).

    Anypoodles, Australia has also given us The Presets, whose new album Apocalypto is currently in my “new stuff” playlist. If you dig The Faint but find Ladytron a wee bit too repetitive…let’s chat.

    “Kicking And Screaming” is a bit like a more interesting !!! song, with a weird robotty noise that sounds like something from the breakdown of Herbie Hancock’s “Rockit.” The chorus is a weird half-step, black-key driven line of “babe, I can’t believe how much fun we’re having.” Indeed. “My People” is a lost The Faint song, but a little bit more fluffy. “This Boy’s In Love” sounds vaguely like Dead Or Alive, but with a chorus by Bronski Beat. “Yippiyo-Ay” continues the fun and is worth the price of admission just for the lyric “bimbos rock the latex, dingos catch the babies.” For those of you who don’t get the reference, there was a lady many moons ago whose kid disappeared while she was camping in the Australian Outback. She was a suspect, but she swore (famously) “the dingo ate my baby!”

    “Talk Like That” reminds me of a sythy version of Franz Ferdinand (first album-era, when they were still fun). It’s so fluffy and fun. If you aren’t chair-dancing by the end of it, you should probably consult a medical professional of some sort. “Eucalyptus” is probably my favorite, because of its crazy synth line, which sounds like The Presets stole some fight music from the PowerPuff Girls.

    I’ve only hit highlights here, but if you enjoy synthpop, 80s music, or cheese in general, you should definitely check it out. I do not gush without good reason. Word.

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    Wake Up, It’s The First of the Month.

    Posted in New Tasties with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2008 by (evil)amy

    It’s September 1 (ish), which means that it’s time for me to (yet again) wag my finger at you and tell you to stop listening to Combichrist, go to eMusic, and download something better. Hell, it would make me happy if you’d just stop listening to Combichrist, but I thought I should offer some alternatives. Ready? OK!

    Asexuals: “Take A Look Around”
    Asexuals deliver some fun, bouncy punk that makes me dance like a Muppet.

    Big Electric Cat: “Orchid Dreaming”
    Remember Big Electric Cat? “Christabel?” I got this from the mindless, pandering Cleopatra compilation “Music Inspired By Sisters Of Mercy,” but it’s also on other mindless, pandering Cleopatra compilations like This Is Gothic, and Gothik. In a related note, Cleopatra apparently REALLY want you to hear Godhead’s cover of “Bela Lugosi’s Dead.” (Don’t.)

    Blank and Jones: “A Forest”
    Yet another song from a Cleopatra money-grub, but this techno-fied Cure cover actually still has Bob Smith on vocals. NEW vocals, it sounds like. Unlike the original, you can understand all of the words. By the way, have you heard the Creaming Jesus “A Forest?” Fun. Creaming Jesus’s “Temple of Love?” Hilarious. Instead of verses, the vocalist just yells “goth goth goth goth goth goth goooooth goth!”

    Dead Guitars: “Feels Alright”
    Sounds like The Smiths or The Church but with a bit of female vocals on the chorus.

    Destroid: “Bird Of Prey,” “Friend Or Foe”
    Both from their Loudspeaker album, these tasties sound like Fictional. Let the cardancing begin.

    Die Siffer: Damn near the entire album Viel Nichts un Larm
    German punk rock that goes beyond the usual “doubletime and yellin’” template.

    Die Strafe: “Gegen Morgen,” “Boseslied”
    OK, so it’s a bit much to name your album “black” (or is it “dark?”). But the joy of this bouncy punkiness IS the “a bit much” nature of it.

    Green On Red: “Sun Goes Down,” “Baby Loves Her Gun”
    “Sun Goes Down” sounds like if Nick Cave had Tom Petty’s voice. “Baby Loves Her Gun” sounds like Adam Duritz and Axel Rose had a really, really bummed out kid.

    Luke Haines: “Going Off My Rocker At The Art School Bop,” “All The English Devils”
    He namechecks (and mispronounces) graphic designer Moholoy-Nagy, but hey. Honest mistake. “Off My Rocker” is delightful synthpop fluff, and “All The English Devils” sounds like what would happen if Voltaire has wicked falsetto (and an ability to sing about something other than goth people).

    Juliette and the Licks: Four On The Floor (whole damn album)
    I’ve had this for a bit, but I don’t think I’ve mentioned it. Critics loved this album by the previously unfortunately conrowed Juliette Lewis for good reason. She’s freakin’ out and showing us that she probably LOVES Iggy Pop.

    New Skin: “Cherry Flowers and Bedroomsongs”
    From yet another Cleopatra money-grub, this time titled “Gothic Essential Tracks.” That title is largely a misnomer, but this song is delicious.

    Oxymoron: albums Feed The Breed and Westworld
    Punky goodness, highlighted by the amusing song “Don’t Call Me Cunt.” Wheeee!

    Palodine: album Garden Of Deceit, whole dang album.
    Bum-out music for people who enjoy Cowboy Junkies…or just don’t KNOW they like Cowboy Junkies (me).

    The Shroud: album Long Ago and Far Away, also “Vision” and “When Flowers Fall”
    I was reminded of The Shroud in a conversation last week where I first got them mixed up with Switchblade Symphony and then couldn’t remember their biggish hit. The hit was “Caged Bird,” from Long Ago And Far Away…both being kick-ass straight-up goth suitable for the “pretend like you’re overdosing on heroin, but you’re really happy about it” dance.

    Switchblade Symphony: album The Three Calamities
    Most of their big hits came from the album previous to this one, but if you dismissed The Three Calamities when it came out in 1999, it may be time to give it a shot, as I suspect that THIS was when Switchblade hit their stride. The “gets old after a while” hit “Clown” was just foreplay.

    The Veils: The Runaway Found
    The son of that dude from Shriekback is here to bum you ALL the way out…and really remind you of a less boring Echo & The Bunnymen. Yeah, you heard me: I think Echo is kinda boring. Sorry.

    Ian Whitcomb: Red Hot Blue Heaven
    Cheeky Brit performs amusing ditties that sound like they were jacked from Monty Python. “Farmyard Caberet” is awesomely demented :)

    Also, I was recently given Somegirl’s The Velvet Hour to review. While the review (in which I gush shamelessly) probably won’t post for a while, but I’ll give you the reader’s digest: if you like Ayria, Switchblade Symphony, Claire Voyant, or the Pet Shop Boys there’s stuff on there that you will love. Do it. Do it now.

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    Pop Mocks: Ferras Doesn’t Make Me Puke.

    Posted in Ballads, Pop, Videos with tags , , , on May 13, 2008 by (evil)amy

    Ferras has apparently scored a hit this year by managing to get his song, “Hollywood’s Not America” to be used as the Walk Of Shame song on American Idol.** At least that’s what Blender says. Like many people who don’t enjoy Beatles covers, I stopped watching American Idol once they got to Hollywood. I only watched Idol all the way through on season one and, frankly, Kelly Clarkson is still the one and only for me. So there. Besides, I didn’t even like Kelly that much until she got all dark and jaded and started doing songs like “Never Again.” I just can’t keep up with American Idol, seeing as how it’s on at the same time as Rock of Love and Top Model. Priorities.

    Anyway, I saw this video for this glossy piece of pop schmaltz on VH-1 and, surprisingly, it didn’t make me want to puke. It’s got verbal gymnastics, piano balladry, a guy wearing the “I’m just an artist, man” Hanes t-shirt, and a pseudo-artsy black and white video. Why don’t I want to set everyone involved in its creation on fire? I don’t understand!

    The answer: it’s a song about how fucked-up LA is, and if LA hates anything, it’s being told how fucked up it is. Guess what guys: you’re racist, too! More than the south! Wait, where was I?

    Ah, yes. It’s a song about LA. It’s well-produced. And it’s eons better than last season’s Walk of Shame song, “Bad Day,” which was the most sing-songy, brain-rotting thing to ever be unleashed upon America since people gave a rat’s ass about the Goo Goo Dolls. So, props to Ferras. He’s managed to be syrupy without making me puke. He’s a slurpy!

    **Please do not send me hate mail about how there’s no such thing as a walk of shame because you have to be a decent singer to even GET into the top 12 on American Idol and blah blah blah.

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    No, really. Beat it.

    Posted in Emo Kids, Pop, Rawk, Videos, covers with tags , , , , , , on May 13, 2008 by (evil)amy

    Readers, I am not opposed to a good cover. We should all be wary of bands who have one hit and said one hit is a cover (see Save Ferris’s “Come On Eileen” or that god-awful “Wicked Game” cover perpetrated by H.I.M.), but I don’t think that there’s anything inherently wrong with covering a song. It’s better than writing a crappy new one.

    I woke up from a NyQuil stupor at 4AM last week to witness the new Fall Out Boy video on MTV. I tivo The Big Ten. Sue me. I wanted to stay awake to witness fresh Patrick Stump action, but my eyelids were so heavy. Was the video boring, or was I just tired? I consulted YouTube later.

    Boring.

    The cover, unlike FOB’s very tasty cover of “What’s This” from The Nightmare Before Christmas, the cover of “Beat It” comes off looking like a desperate pander that would be executed by a much less popular band. Patrick and company: you’ve already made it. You don’t need to pander. You don’t need to hire someone to moonwalk. You don’t need a cameo from Donald Faison. And you definitely, definitely, don’t need to be doing pelvic thrusts or, for that matter, wearing a fedora.* If you’re going to do a cover, it needs to be greater than the sum of its parts. It needs to be something unexpected, something ironic, or something tongue-in-cheek, not just a rehash karaoke of something that, face it, Michael Jackson and fetal Slash did much better.

    Maybe FOB are trying to remind younger folks of the days when Michael Jackson was the biggest star on Earth and not just some guy who was pale and weird. Then again, maybe they just felt like selling some more copies of their new DVD. Maybe they just wanted an excuse to hang out with John Mayer (can you blame them?**). But, really, they could have used Mayer a little more effectively. Some suggestions:

    • Welcome To The Jungle (Guns N Roses)
    • Fighter (Christina Aguilera)
    • Monkey Business (Skid Row)
    • I Want You Dead (Brooke Valentine)
    • Rub You The Right Way (Johnny Gill)

    OK, so I was kidding about “Rub You The Right Way.” That would be bizarre and wrong. But “I Want You Dead” would be epic. For serious.

    *Can’t we all just agree to STOP wearing fedoras, already? Shit like this is why I can’t go to goth night with seeing 5 girls wearing fedoras and hot pants. Admit it girls: you were just too lazy to do your hair, and that is a goth sin. Patrick, I know. You wear hats cause you’re balding, and a trucker hat wouldn’t go with your Dirty Diana-esque ensemble for the video, but still. Enough with the fedoras, people.
    **On a Mayer note, I happen to NOT be one of those girls who thinks that John Mayer is The Dreamiest. I could never, ever fantasize about the man who wrote “Your Body Is A Wonderland,” but I hear that he’s actually a really witty guy, and that would warrant a hang-out. See?

    Ballsy. And hairy!

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    I Wanna Burp You Like An Animal

    Posted in Albums, Ballads, Unintentional Comedy with tags , , , , , , , , on May 6, 2008 by (evil)amy

    Ordinarily, I would be pissed off right now. Someone sent a comment on here that was probably some attempt at “viral marketing,” aka “posting crap in people’s blogs so as to make money for your business and get some press.” I should also be pissed that said comment was made by someone from a record label that specializes in lullaby music for babies. There’s nothing quite so gross as when people write songs dedicated to their children (like the puketacular “Butterfly Kisses”), particularly when said artist used to rock.

    So, why am I feeling amused, rather than pissed?

    Because this tiny record label has put out lullaby versions of songs by Tool, Nine Inch Nails, and Bjork, in additional to the done-to-death Beatles. OK, so “Prison Sex” isn’t on the Tool album, but still. The sheer WTF joy of a Tool lullaby album gets the thumbs-up anyway, and the lullaby version of NIN’s “Piggy” is actually pretty good. There’s also a Metallica album and, no, the irony of it containing “Enter Sandman” is not lost on me.

    Now, if we could just get them to add “Rape Me” to the Nirvana album.

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    Why Little Goth Girls Need Hip-Hop

    Posted in Rap, Soapbox with tags , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2008 by (evil)amy

    If I may, I’d like to speak for my peeps. “My peeps,” in this case, being tiny little pocketgoth lolita girls. Ladies, you know we have trouble being taken seriously. No matter how long we spend in college, no matter how many years’ experience we have, people will always talk to us as though they are old and wise and we are naive children. Granted, we don’t do ourselves any favors by wearing short skirts and pigtails, but that’s not the point. The point is that people are going to give you a lot of shit, people are going to treat you as though they’d wish you would be invisible when clients come by, and the guys at Jiffy Lube will always assume that you don’t know how to check your tire pressure. It can make a girl testy. Sometimes a girl needs to be a little militant. Sometimes a girl needs a little hip-hop.

    1. Rappers enjoy talking about money. Listening to mantras that are all about the proverbial Benjamins are necessary for women, who still make 70 cents for every dollar made by a man. Why? Studies have shown that men MAKE more money because they have the balls to ASK for it. Women are too busy worrying about whether or not people will think that they’re bitches. Women: listen to some Lil Wayne. Then go ask for a raise.
    2. Rappers are good at not caring what people think of them. I would imagine that growing up in a bad neighborhood makes one feel a bit disenfranchised. I’d imagine that being a black man, growing up seeing people cross the street when you walk toward them, would be even worse. Going through one’s whole life with people being scared of you just because you look a certain way…sounds…familiar. Is being goth the same as being black? Well, no. Not by a long shot. I’m just saying that goth folk can relate better than, say, Heidi Montag. Hearing Ice-T say, “you don’t like my lifestyle? Fuck you!” can galvanize a gal against a world filled with rich white dudes in suits.
    3. Rappers don’t whine about their problems. Oh, sure, we all know that 50 Cent’s been shot 9 times, but did he grow up to be a whiny emo musician who writes songs using lead as a metaphor? Nope. Does he whine about how his label dropped him after he got shot? Nope. He used his time in the hospital to become a better rapper, got re-signed by another label, and could now buy half of France. This spirit of “deal wit it” (as Mo’Nique says) is a good form of life coaching. Your life sucks? OK, what are you doing to fix it? Specifically?
    4. Rappers are bulletproof…metaphorically. To get along in life, you need to have a thick skin. A little bit of gangsta rap can go a long way in getting through a day of men interrupting you in meetings just because they’re dudes and they want to talk a lot. (An informal personal study has concluded that rich white dudes always talk really loudly.) If you’re a little white girl, you have to find a way to deal with people who will try to get away with things just because they think you don’t seem very commanding. You can either look them dead in the eyes and tell them how things are going to be, or you can get a lesbian haircut and a severe business suit.
    5. Rappers will tell you exactly what they think of you. Sadly, a lot of the dicklike behavior that rich white dudes try to get away with only happens because so many women let them get away with it. Ladies, listen to some rap, grow a pair, and stop letting men call you “honey.” It is not OK, and every time you let them do it, you tell them that it is. Be nice, or I’ll poke Janeane Garofalo with a stick and send her to your house.

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    Wake up, it’s the first of the month

    Posted in New Tasties with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 4, 2008 by (evil)amy

    OK, it’s not really the first of the month anymore, but it’s still pretty early on. You know what that means: my emusic downloads were refilled, and I can now regale you with tale of new tasties.

    Ayria: The Gun Song EP
    Musicians of the world, take note: I do not now, nor have I ever required 800 remixes of the same song. Stop it, already. The first (I assume, original) version of the song is a keeper. Don’t muck about with the rest. “Six Seconds” is also good, if you don’t already have it.

    Das Praparat: THX LD50
    “Euthanasie” is excellent, and reminds me of a slightly harder version of Melotron…or a fluffier version of Das Ich. Just don’t bother with the rest of the album.

    Dissonance: Reincarnate
    “Anxiety” is pretty much the only song that hits hard enough to be worth the trouble, as Dissonance have the common goth problem of not being able to write a melody. The bizarro pitch bends and stuttering drums make this song tasty, though.

    Gary Marx: Nineteen ninety Five and Nowhere
    “Default” sounds like a lost Sisters of Mercy song (First Last and Always era). “Zapruder” sounds like Rosetta Stone or Sisters of Mercy (Vision Thing era), especially the florid guitar. Oh, the goodness. You will chair dance.

    Null Device: Sublimation
    The album isn’t that great, but the cover of The Smiths’ “There is a Light” is airy, bouncy, and gay enough to pay tribute to a band containing The Moz.

    Terrorfrequenz: Der schleichende Tod
    Wha? (evil) likes some terror EBM? Yes way! At least I think this is terror EBM…the band has “terror” in the name, right? I don’t know. It’s German dudes yelling, but without being boring and redundant about it. Sounds like a The Strand if Dave Strand were REALLY, REALLY pissed. If you ain’t chair-dancing, you ain’t trying. Highlights: “Angst,” “Der schleichende Tod,” “Schmerz,” “Hellectro,” “Das Bose,” “Die Bombe in dir,” “Deine Schlage.”

    Triptaka: Second War
    Sounds like Nine Inch Nails…a lot…but the songs would work even if Dude didn’t sound just friggin’ like The Trent. It’s not a “whole album” affair, but you should bother with “Suspended,” “Lost & Leading,” and “Second War.”

    Unheilig: Puppenspiel
    Hey, it’s more German dudes who like to yell. These particular German dudes sound a lot like Rammstein, but without the annoying habit of using the same damn riff on every song. Good songs: “Puppenspieler,” “Spiegelbild,” “Dein Clown,” “Fang Mich Auf,” “Klein Puppe,” “Lampenfieber.”

    A Whisper In The Noise: “Tango”
    The album is a bit of a wank, but “Tango,” is good, slow, and bitter. It begs for pretentious slow-motion goth dance!

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    Depp, Party of One?

    Posted in Celebrity Crush, Rawk, Videos with tags , , , , , on March 24, 2008 by (evil)amy

    If Jack White gets any hotter, Johnny Depp’s gonna sue him for face infringement.

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